Mumbai: India batsman Robin Uthappa started his fight with depression, saying he also wanted to jump from the balcony, but cricket overtook him.
Uthappa was part of the live session of the Rajasthan Royals Foundation, titled ‘Mind, Body and Soul’ and this was when the batsmen opened up in his personal battles.
“I remember working with it for a few years, it was around 2009-2011, the sentiment was constant and I would deal with that on a day to day basis. Many times I wasn’t even thinking about cricket, it was probably the farthest thing in my mind,” Uthappa said during the live session.
“I was thinking about how I would survive this day and move on to the next, what is happening in my life, and what I am doing. Cricket kept my mind off these suicidal thoughts, but off It got really difficult during the season,” he said.
Talking further about his fight, he said: “On days, I Would just sit there and think to myself on the count of three, I’m going to run and jump off the balcony, but somehow catch me.”
The 34-year-old also stated that she first started maintaining a diary, which stated what she was feeling and then started seeking professional help.
Uthappa said, “I started the process of understanding myself as a person. I then also started external help for change in my life.”
During the conversation, Uthappa also said that it is difficult for men to accept that they are suffering from mental illness and that they need the courage to accept that they are weak.
Uthappa said, “Some part of me was not really ready to accept that I had a problem with myself. I think we sometimes don’t accept wrong and are not ready to do it and accept it. It’s really important to do. “
“I think sometimes it is necessary to be negative. Being negative or having negative experiences, sometimes going through trials and tribulations is necessary for one’s own development,” he said.
Uthappa said, “I have no regrets about my negative experience because they have helped me develop positively. You need to go through the lulls to feel comfortable about the positives and achievements.”
Uthappa has played 46 ODIs and 13 T20s for India so far and has managed to score 1,183 runs in both formats.
He made his ODI debut against England in 2006 while he played his first T20I in 2007. He was also part of the 2007 T20 World Cup-winning team.
Uthappa was picked up by Rajasthan Royals in the Indian Premier League (IPL) auction last year.